sometimes i can’t help but wonder “why?’
maybe i shouldn’t wonder why things happen because sometimes they just do. and it’s out of our hands and it’s just part of living. and although it’s hard to concentrate on the beauty of life when you’re focusing on the ‘why,’ it’s something we can learn to do. This year i want to learn to really love life and enjoy myself. and although i’ve come to the realization that i don’t have many friends to share this experience with me. maybe it’s a journey you take alone. or maybe not alone because you are truly the best friend you could have. so maybe this year i’ll learn to see things in a more positive way. i know i wasn’t put on this earth to notice all the ugly things and to be so bitter. i know we were put here for something more. maybe realizing that life is beautiful, maybe sometimes we are blinded as the years go by to what it truly is to live. well, i’m really tired of complaining. i’m tired of complaining about taking the bus, about working at a job i don’t really enjoy, and having friends that i feel are not my real friends. I need to appreciate the bus for what it is, cheap transportation. and until i get a car that is what i have. and that’s okay. it gets me where i need to be. and sometimes i’m kinda tired and i wish i was sleeping instead of going from bus to bus but i’m not paying alot of money for transportation. and maybe one day, after i work really hard, i’ll be blessed with a car. and until then, i’m taking the damn bus and i will enjoy every minute of it. when it comes to my job, i have noticed that i no longer go to work, i go to ‘hangout’ which is obvious that it isn’t the right thing to do. so maybe it is better if i focus on working and go for what i really need to go for. and take a book with me to avoid socializing with the wrong people. ah, another thing. friends. i make so many awful friends. and i can’t help to think maybe i’m this awful person that deserves them. so what i would like to do is work on myself, and be the best person i can be, and make friends with only wonderful people. i’m not going to pretend to be anyone’s friend. even those that live close to me *cough cough my roommate. well this is a really long rant. but i would also like to address my problem with love. today i came to the conclusion that it’s okay to be alone, i am also at my happiest when i am alone. and it is when i feel surrounded by people who hurt me that i feel lonely. and to avoid that i need to love myself enough to let go of the people that hurt me. i need to let go. and instead of being sad and wondering why i should turn my life around and do positive things. things that will make me very happy. and i will learn to love life. and i would like to thank my family and God for always being there for me. if it were not for them i would truly be lost. and life just would not be as beautiful without these beautiful people.